“Don't stand by the water and long for fish; go home and weave a net”

I arrived in Africa at possibly the most fragile time of my life and my entire being. My father having died only months prior, left me raw, confused, uncertain and scared. Arriving in the middle of the African bush to live in absolute simplicity, in a tent, amongst nature, wildlife, a group of complete strangers, in a foreign land, a foreign country and all the natural forces of mother nature put me under a microscope and challenged me in ways I never thought I could be challenged. Africa showed me in large screen format, as if I was standing in front of a life size mirror, my past, present and the mystery that my future holds. It stirred emotions in me that I never thought could happen in such a raw format. It forced me to let go.

As a temporary tenant of Africa's wilderness I am keenly aware of the privilege I have had. I have had an opportunity that few have ever had or ever will. I didn’t go on safari, I was completely and utterly submerged in the wilds of Africa. I actually lived in the bush in a private camp in a tent for 7 months straight. I showered under a bucket outside, water heated over a fire. There was no “washroom” no flushing toilets or faucets to waste water. No stores to walk to when we wanted some urge satisfied. I was 4 hours from the closest town. Confined to a space so vast it’s hard to imagine or explain how that contrast can even exist. I got to cling to nature, participate in the environment, blend in with the magnificent animals, gain friendships and knowledge, a better understanding of myself and mankind,and of course live among and get to know up close and personal a pride of lions, all of which was a constant reminder to me that we are merely humans, living in the wild where ever we are, and how privileged I was to be able to experience the the magnificence and wonderment of the Delta

I was a guest in the home of wild game, I was humbled by their presence as I sat and watched them in their world. I sat only feet away from a roaring lion, and felt the sound reverberate through my bones, the most majestic sound imaginable, and was incredibly humbled in such powerful presence. Possibly the most impressive natural sound that has ever fallen on my ears.

I got to see a star filled southern sky every night, and touch the African full moon. I got to lay in bed (a bed roll) and listen to the laugh of the hippos, the universal song of the night insects and crickets every night. I woke every morning to the bird songs and the sunrise, and I reached out and touched the African sky as I said good morning to the world. Every breath I took was in sync with the natural rhythms of the earth, I felt the heartbeat of the land pump through my veins. The wilderness, the wildlife, the soil, it gets in your soul, in your blood. I’ve breathed the dust and scents into my lungs and it has changed me completely, it now circulates though me. Africa showed me humility. I am forever grateful for the opportunity and know I couldn’t have done it without my support network along the way.

I came to some startlingly common sense realizations while here in Africa. There was many lessons that the first world can learn from the third world. Sustainability for one, is a way of life here. It isn't a campaign or a movement or I fear say a trend, like it has become in the West, but it is evident everywhere here, woven into everything Africans do. Africans live with resource scarcity. They have not experienced consumption out of whack with production because it has never been a possibility. And this isn’t only amongst the black Africans. In Maun one can’t help but notice, (well at least as a north American) that the need for ‘things’ just does not exist. You make things last, you don’t just replace them. It is not the disposable society that I am used to living in. All Africans value what they have, and even more so the loved ones in their life.

Some of the images I saw in the townships showed circumstances that could seemingly only equal misery. I once bought into the lie that circumstance defines happiness. The truth is, in Africa I found hearts full of victory, and joy. In places where despair should thrive, children are playing soccer with a ball crafted of tied up trash and waving happily as we drive by. There is no escape to a cottage in Muskoka on the weekend to provide relief from the pains of daily life. Relationships and faith provide joy. Love is sovereign. This is not to say that many don’t need help, and live in unacceptable conditions, I am just saying the many , despite their circumstance still manage to find happiness.

And so I’ve come to realize that my happiness should have no regard for my circumstances. Or even the circumstance of that which is my past. I have been forced to redefine the meaning of having much or having very little in my life. And I have more then enough. I no longer need the "next thing" to be happy.

The horrific statistics of Aids, the statistics of death, crime and violence are enough to crush the soul of the strongest, and it did often crush my soul and yet somehow I managed to look past it as do all the Africans I’ve met. For it is the beauty that holds me and them together. It is the beauty here in the land and it’s people that moves me. Even in the death, the crime and the violence, all I see is Africa. Africa’s journey, history and it’s altered destiny. Africans have a deep devotion and love for what their country, and what their continent, means to them. Africa is unpretentious, uncomplicated, and magical.

I have developed an obsession with Africa; even before I arrived here physically, somewhere along the way, I still don’t know what or how the seed got planted, maybe it was just a spiritual pull, or maybe I felt the connection of my own native roots that all man originated from this continent and it was put into my heart as a place calling me. Knowing the honest simplicity of its people, its wide-open spaces, and its vast herds of untamed creatures whose mere existence reminded me that there are still settings where the world lives quite peacefully without us, now I know why. I suppose that in a way Africa found me, when I couldn’t seem to find myself.

I’ve learnt that you can kiss your loved ones goodbye and put miles between you, but you always carry them with you. Because you do not ever just live in a world. But a world lives within you. I missed those closet to me so dearly. I’ve missed “home”.

I am also so grateful to all those along the way who opened their doors, their homes and their hearts to me and welcomed me with open arms. The hospitality of south Africans is something I hope will live in me forever.

I could go on and on and on, into the depths of my souls learning's. But simply put, I am forever transformed. And not to miss lead you, it wasn’t always easy. Facing such emotional and physical and mental challenges can exhaust ones being, and it did. But no one ever said looking yourself in eye was easy. It’s always hard work, and I am all too aware the lifelong commitment of this. But for all the hard work, and when times were tough, still every moment of it helped me grow and learn and I embraced all of it.

You all know I believe in documenting life in the last year in an effort to bridge the gap between each other and nature, to expose our innumerable similarities, and increase empathy for, and acceptance of, one another and nature. I believe in the laws of attraction. That thought is the origin of all things. That what we believe we bring into being; by focusing on abundance rather than lack, what we need and want rather than life deficiencies. I believe there is an incredible power in the moment we call now.

And now the time has come to go home. After trying to find “equitable” employment in south Africa to no avail I must part ways with my second home, Moma Afrika.

I am happier than I have ever been, which is in deep contrast with the fact that I am poorer (financially) and heartbroken to put the distance between myself and a great love, and many new friends of whom I will work towards being next to again. Societal norms and statistics would suggest this should leave me in a much different state of mind. Within the mixed emotions and the tears, I am truly happy. I’ve found clarity and calmness in myself and in life, I am richer for the experience I have had. I hold more value in my hands now then I have ever held before.

I arrive home, by choice just days before I will mark the one year anniversary of my fathers death. I will remember and honor him on our land.

Africa has taught me that possessions in my hands will never be as valuable as peace in my heart, my family and my friends. I've learned that I don't need what I have and that I have what I need in those, in you, my family and my friends.

“You leave home to seek your fortune and, when you get it, you go home and share it with your family.”

I will stay with my baby sister, and what a joy that will be, I am thrilled to have this opportunity to spend with her as “adults”. She is many years younger and so we never really have had the opportunity to live together as adults. It will bring me much joy to get to know her and her husband in this way.

My journey is not over, it has really just begun. As it always will be.... just beginning. It’s been a long road travelled. And there is still a long road that lay ahead of me. Africa is a sacred memory, a spiritual connection. A liberating force that has in some way freed me. The earth of Africa held me together when I came closet to losing my soul.

Thank you to all who have followed along the way providing much needed encouragement, and support and love. I can’t wait to see you all!

I will see you all at ‘home’ after November 11th.

If you have some time, below is a slide show of my time here.

Hamba Kahle (goodbye, or go well in Zulu)

Penny