Food for thought

"At the heart of every human experience is the desire to survive and prosper. To live without fear, hunger or suffering. To imagine how your life could be better and then have the means yourself to change it. Yet, every day, 1.2 billion people – one fifth of the world’s inhabitants – cannot fulfil their most basic needs, let alone attain their dreams or desires"

Before I left Maun I was faced with probably the biggest lesson of my life thus far. I didn’t write about it sooner because I was so shifted by the experience that I needed time for it to really reach the depths of my being.

While shopping for the road trip ahead of us I ran into our temporary camp hand that was suspicious of taking some things that were not his. On his wrist was my bracelet. He greeted me like he was innocent and I quickly and calmly told him how disappointed I was that we had brought him into our home and he had taken from us. He denied of course that the bracelet was even mine, let alone having taken anything else.

To be fair and equitable I told him he had a choice. He could give me my things back or I could call the police. It was up to him. After some wrangling back and forth, and Graham now at my side we hoped in the car to go to his home to collect our things.

As we drove out of town a bit, and turned down the 1st road where the tar turned to dirt, then left again. This appeared to be a road but there were no tire tracks, no one who lives here has a car. We curved and turned around shanty style shacks, some with roofs, most without. Children naked, and women sweating carrying water on their heads, likely from kilometers away and the only clean water they can get. Eventually we came to his house. A one room mud hut. He has very little. He lives in this house with several family members, with mud walls and mud floor, with no running water, and no electricity.

I couldn’t stand myself in this moment. I was fighting back the tears. I was looking extreme poverty in the eye, deep into the soul of it, breathing in it’s dust, filling my being with it. How could I ask for my things back from someone who has so little. Who has next to nothing. A few items of clothing, my american cell phone that I would never use again. Things. Just things.

While he is gathering our things, Graham sees my eyes watering over and I tell him this is wrong. He is merely trying to provide and survive. Let’s leave. Graham assures me that it is wrong for him to have stolen from us. There is aid, and he could have asked and should have asked. We can't leave now, we can't condone theft. He didn't feel good about it either.

He comes out of the mud hut with four items. Two are mine and two are Grahams. There is a lot more than that missing and Graham sternly tells him to get the rest. At this point I am looking him in the eye and I notice how yellow his eyes are. There is puss in the corners and it occurs to me that he is more than likely very very ill. Aids without doubt.

Eventually he returns with my cell phone. Again knowing this isn’t all Graham tells him he has until friday and he will meet Brad at a said location with the rest of the items or they will call the police. I still don’t know if Brad got our things or if he even showed up. But I don’t care.

I was so put off by the entire experience, I was so shaken. Many assured me that we did the right thing, that he can not get away with stealing and by reprimanding him we are actually helping him. While I understand this, stealing is wrong no matter how poor you are. I still feel guilt. Here we get bored of an old couch and want to replace it and just do. We are never really happy or content with what we have. We should be so lucky. We should be so grateful. We should appreciate what we have and need for nothing.

People are more important than things. Relationships are more important than any material goods that I have acquired on the road to success. Without the love and support of family and friends in life, material goods are useless.

In this time of uncertainty for me, of not knowing what is next on my journey, weather it’s here or coming home, what I know is that I am homesick. And it’s my friends and my family that I miss and need for that support network. I am overwhelmingly rich in this. And am more than grateful for what I have in my support network.

I’ve also had difficulty with the labor here. It’s cheap so everyone has a nanny, or a maid, and a gardner. Often the maid is also the nanny. And it’s the blacks. It took me a long to to say “blacks”, as a Canadian this isn’t something we see the difference in. We don’t say blacks. There is just people. Anyway, everywhere we go and whomever we stay with there is a maid. It’s affordable. So everyone has one. I was so off by my laundry being done and ironed everywhere we went. My bed made. Dinner dishes done in the morning. It’s no wonder south africans are so laid back and seemingly stress free. Aside from work they have someone to take care of all those admin type things that often stress us out and take up our weekends or nights. Though one has to understand that they are providing work for them. Employing one maid actually eventually feeds about 20-30 more family members. It’s true. I get it, but I am still adjusting to it. It's just different for me.

As we drive out to the airport in Johannesburg we travel through beautiful white neighborhoods with every convenience of modern life. The business areas with neat brick buildings, trimmed lawns. Overhead, the sky blue and the birds sing. As we make our way out of these areas, along the side of the highway is the “informal township” (south African for squatter camp) where 43 water faucets serve 45,000 inhabitants. Race seems to determine the supply of all necessities. Though apartheid ended years ago, economically it still seems to breath it’s hot breath. I have seen with my own eyes the appalling conditions that millions live under.

Africa has taught me that poverty cannot be learned from books. Until now I had never really understood all those articles, books and movies about poverty. Until now, whilst staring it in the eye, tasting its sourness, until now I didn’t know or understand poverty. And I can not, even while it shakes hands with me, ever completely know their poverty. The next time you think you are having a bad day, or your leaking roof makes you so mad and frustrated, be thankful you have a roof to fix and a job to go to and a car to sit in in rush hour traffic. Ironically I am writing this on thanksgiving weekend.

Be thankful. I am.

"The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson." 
Tom Bodett

We are the first generation that can look poverty in
the eye and say this and mean it: we have the cash;
we have the drugs; we have the science. Do we have
the will to make poverty history?”
- Bono, U2

On the road

Life in Maun is beyond hot at the moment, and so we've headed to South Africa. Hot beyond hot, hotter than any one Canadian can imagine. By 11am one cannot move, my fingers are like sausages, and I had no idea where my ankles went. And it wasn't even hot when we left, so I've been told. Until the 1st rains come, late Oct it only gets hotter. Tar melts, you can fry an egg on the road, getting into the car is difficult because the door handle is too hot to touch. HOT!


In an effort to save money we decided to drive. It's a 12 hour drive from Maun to Johannesburg. I was and am always up for a road trip and so off we went.








I've been trying to sell my car and been having difficulty selling it. Then I saw this and thought, well now why didn't I think of that..........












Then we saw this sign, imagine... collecting your taxes under a baobab tree......



Eventually we made it to Jozzi as the proud locals call it here, and the temperature is much more civil. I've found my ankles again and they look lovely. And my fingers are no longer bulging over my rings. Last time I was here it was rainy and miserable, I have to say Jozzi is a much nicer place under the sun (isn't any place) and is quite a lovely city. Still wouldn't want to live here, but lovely. It is home to the biggest man made forest in the world, and is full of birds. So for a city, it is really very green.

We then headed to Cape Town which again, last time I was there is was rain, cold and gail force winds. (And that is not an exaggerated term inherited from mum) the front page of the paper said "gail force winds". This time it was sunny and so wonderfully beautiful. It's a stunning sea side city full of such wonderful flowers. I have a new found love for Cape Town, I didn't want to leave!

Back in the bush

I never thought I would say this but I was happy to be in Maun. It’s laid back casual character was quickly embraced. Even when it took forever to get our bags off the plane it only made me smile. I like Botswana as a country. It’s well run. One of the best run countries in Africa.

As I mentioned, I don’t think I was ready to be back in a city. It was loud, the sounds rang unpleasantly in my now sensitive ears... I couldn’t wait to get back to the bush. Indeed I wasn’t ready to leave it when I did. In fact I would probably be happy to stay in it forever. The city is no longer for me, and likely never was, part of the reason why I never quite felt settled in myself I suppose. Living an out door life is glorious. While in the “cities” we spent a lot of time inside. I missed the fresh air and consequently felt quite tired and restless while there, not to mention my nightly lullaby of insects and hippo’s wasn’t there to rock me to sleep.

We spent a night in Maun, did the camp shop and made our way “home”. As soon as we crossed the buffalo fence, my shoulders dropped, I took a deep breath in and let out a sigh and quietly slid back into the serenity of my surroundings. The very surroundings that has had such a profound effect on me alleviating some of the pain and helping me deal with the death of my father. Its vastness allowing me the time and freedom to do so, to remember, reflect and accept. In retrospect I can’t imagine having had to do so any other way.

As I sit here and write this I am sitting in the vehicle next to a Jesses pond, we are waiting and hoping a herd of elephant pass through. The wind is gently blowing, the only sound is the rustle of the trees as the breeze passes across their tops and makes its way through the dry grass to travel across my skin. (ok the other sound is Graham snoring on top of the car) I pause only to stop the sound of my fingers on the keyboard and listen. The near silence leaves my ears tingling. I feel my father in the breeze that gently touches my skin and I am comforted by the feeling of him here with me in the wind that blows and the sun that shines. I am certain he is here with me.

While we were away the 6 month mark passed. The time “since” is one thing I am having the hardest time dealing with. I don’t want the time “since” to lengthen. It seems the longer it’s been the fear of the memory being further in the distance rattles me.

I digress, once again en-route to camp we see impala, giraffe and elephants. All so gratifying. The bush has changed quite a bit since we’ve been gone. The landscape has thinned out, giving a more transparent view of the horizon. The grass has changed color to a beautiful array of burgundy, light green and brown. Because everything is so dry now, when the wind blows the grass it makes a rustling sound that wasn’t there before. Though this rustling can easily be mistaken for an animal in the bush precipitating me to look twice a couple of times.

Winter is also setting in and the sun isn’t as hot. There is a chill that rolls in around 5pm that wasn’t there before we left. The late nights and early mornings are quite cool. To everyone in camp it is “freezing”. To this Canadian, it is cool, maybe cold. But freezing it is not. Our first day out on monday we were in coats and hats to keep warm. The open vehicle adds a wind chill to the air.


By 10am the layers are off and it’s a hot wonderful sunny day. Tank tops and shorts. The contrast in temperature in such a short amount of time I suppose makes the “cold” feel colder than it is. I quite like it. Sleeping is comfortable. I get to feel my cheeks cold and rosy as I might on a winter day at home and every day I get summer. A Canadians dream! It is with this that I realize it is June and at home everyone is excited for summer, I am sure there is that buzz in the air that comes with “patio” season. I realize I am missing the first patio drinks with the girls. That first warm night of the season when you get that email at work that says “perfect night to sit on a patio and have a glass of wine” and you sneak out of the office early to do so. It is what we Canadians wait all winter for. At home I probably didn’t realize just the impact “patio season” had on me, the refection on it reminds me that it is a HUGE deal. Cottages are being opened, boats put back in the water. Cherry beach is alive with people and dogs. Concert listings published. My grandfather has probably already been fishing, and I know Granny and Grandpa and Dan have been golfing already. With this musing I am missing you all very much and wish everyone a happy and safe summer. As one would say on the last day of school!


On our first day out I took in the beautiful sunrise that I missed so much. Watching the sun peep it’s smile over the horizon every morning and I have fulfilled one of my goals. To see more sunrises. With winter here, the mornings have an added sense of mystic charm and a light mist settles in over the pans waiting for the sun to burn it off. As in the sunset the dust stirred during the days leaves a coating on the tips of the grass and all over us.


While we were away “our” lions did very little. I am starting to come to the conclusion that lions are not the smartest kings. At least ours aren’t. Evidently they spent a lot of time following buffalo, coming within meters of them (smart) killing none (not so smart) and getting quite thin and hungry (boarding stupid). However I was excited to see them. We found them quickly that day, and also spent time with a herd of Elephants. For the first time in my life I couldn’t wait to be back to “work” and instead of the post vacation blues I was more than happy to be back.

Beautiful Ugly

First I will apologize for the lack of writing as of late. I realize it’s been forever since I have written.

As some of you are aware I went on leave to South Africa for 14 days. Every 5 weeks Earth-Touch will fly us out. To keep us sane I suppose. Anyway, I wasn’t in South Africa for more than a day when our rental car was broken into and my computer bag stolen. In it, my lap top, personal hand written journal, and reading glasses. Needless to say I was devastated, every picture I had taken since my arrival in Africa was on that computer as well as the last pics I had of my father and some poems I had finally sat down to write having not done so in more than 10 years (though because of this time lapse I am sure they weren’t that good ;-) On my list of things to do in South Africa was to buy a hard drive to back up my photo’s and all the rest..... as murphy would have it I suppose. Since then I have had very little motivation to write. My personal journal was the real kick in the ass bought in Florence Italy in 2001, it was 7 years of hand writing, leading up to and including every raw thought, feeling and emotion I had about my father and dealing with his death.

As it turns out this is common. Every single person I spoke to has been impacted by the crime in South Africa in some way or another. It was so unusual to see and hear such complacency, shoulders shrugged as it is just a way of life here, “it’s Africa”. And frankly having a lap top stolen out of a vehicle was nothing compared to the severity and brutalness of most of the crimes committed. Evidently I was lucky.

It wasn’t until I got an email from my Aunt Sharon, my fathers sister, and encouragement from my Aunt Risa and Uncle Dan and Donna, to keep writing. They reminded me of the reason why I have chosen to come here on this adventure. The new found “simple life” and to “let it go” and to move on past it and continue to live my wonderful experiences here in beautiful Africa and live in the now, to quote Aunt Sharon “While the past is always with us and shapes our responses to the now, it should be a quiet comfort, with today's encounters in the forefront”. They all reminded me that our memories live on forever in our minds and our hearts.

I also want to thank Mandi for her offer to send her old Mac, so sweet! and Donna and my Uncle Dan for offering to send lap tops that they were not using to me! I unleashed the well known “Penny pit bull” on the establishment where we were parked in security parking less than 100 meters from the door and the guards where they claim to have the safest parking. This would be Gateway mall in Durban. They are putting it through their insurance and we hope to have it all covered soon. Fingers crossed.

Where the title of my entry “beautiful ugly” comes from is this: There is so much positivity and hope in South Africa's people, such beauty and kindness in all the people I met, success and prosperity seemed everywhere, so much to smile about in it’s esthetic beauty. It’s a land so culturally diverse, with such histories and for the last one and a half decades with the energy of re-birth and discovering a new identity. With that there seems to be this attitude that yes crime is out of control, but it is something that people can adapt to, by protecting themselves in gated communities. Everything has a wall and an electric fence, houses, shops, everything. We were at Graham’s friends house in Johannesburg, he had stepped out to run an errand. Shortly after he left I thought it would be nice to go for a walk, stood up took two steps and realized I couldn’t get out. I needed the remote to open the gate, which I didn’t have and the entire house was surrounded by a high security wall. And come to think of it even if I did want to go for a walk it probably wouldn’t be safe to do so. This sort of living for me feels claustrophobic, for the south africans this is just a way of life. You simply do what you can to protect yourself.

Johannesburg is a strange conurbation of opulent suburbs, corporate headquarters, six lane highways and large shopping malls set alongside some of the countries starkest urban poverty. Perhaps the perennial crime problem is the inevitable consequence of it’s palpable polarities. Stat: South Africa has the highest murder rate in all of the world. Johannesburg was another city. I took no pictures and left only footprints.

I feel I must mention the new president of South Africa Mr. Jacob Zuma. And again the link between esthetics (beauty) and political ethics (Ugly). Where majority rules in a democratic society, in this case it is not necessarily a good thing nor does it mean that it will empower the right person. I can’t pretend to know a lot about south african politics nor will I claim that our system is any better, I mean didn’t our government get shut down because we all couldn’t play nice at one point? and I won’t even mention Bush. But this man, Mr. Zuma who has a 4th grade education, was accused of raping a friends daughter who knowingly has Aids. When asked by the people if he was afraid of getting Aids, his answer was “no I had a shower afterwards” implying showering will wash the Aids away. This is the message he is sending to a country ridden with the disease and a simple cure at his fingertips to educate his people on the disease and how to prevent it. Showering isn’t it. He was also accused of corruption in all sorts of other ways, foremost being with the “scorpions” south africans version of the FBI so to speak. The guys who are supposed to be fighting all this hellacious crime. Even though all evidence pointed brightly to his guilt, somehow, someway it all got thrown out and he will never be tried in court for these crimes. The majority voted him president and the majority ruled.

The experience of my stolen goods having somewhat set the tone for the rest of my time in South Africa, as much as I tried not to let it, it made for a different trip than I had expected. In hindsight, I might say that I wasn’t yet ready to leave the bush. I hadn’t been here that long and out of the rush of town/city life long enough to really appreciate being back in the so called comforts of urban living.

Anyway, I rant. In my time in South Africa I did experience the beauty, just as I now know the grim of it’s land.




First stop was to the Earth-Touch office, which having left the office environment for the great outdoor life it felt odd to be back in a blouse and heels to sit in a boardroom. The office is in Durban, a beautiful coastal town. Going from the dryness in the delta to the humidity in Durban was a shocking contrast as my skin soaked up the moisture in the air. It seemed like a lovely town, but we were only there for a day for the meeting at the office. I plan to go back.

Second stop: Kenton. Graham and I went to his cousins wedding in a town called Kenton, along the eastern coast. The wedding took place along the Kariega river, which I immediately felt at home standing next to. Aside from the salt water, this location strongly resembled Muskoka. It was a beautiful day for a wedding and we danced the night away. Alcohol induced style of course.

Third stop: Grahamstown. Grahams mother lives here so we stopped in to visit for a few days. A beautiful historical town. The Eastern Cape is simply beautiful, and very similar to Ireland. Not what I expected at all. The drive from Kenton to Grahamstown was breathtakingly beautiful. Rolling hills of green. Again, having little motivation to write I as well had little motivation to take pics. Rather I wanted to take it all in with memory.

Forth Stop: Cape Town. A beautiful coastal town. Very similar to Vancouver, better yet, Vancouver Island. Though the weather while we were there was more like Vancouver, rainy and windy and cold surrounded by stunning mountains, table mountain in the backdrop. Because of this I didn’t see much of the coast. We did a drive out to Simons town to see the Jackass penguins, called so because they make a sound like a donkey, though I didn’t get to witness this said sound and being as cute as they are I think a rather unfair name. The storm that rolled in while we were there was quite huge, and the paper described it as “gail force winds” making for some massive waves. I always like being next to the ocean, or water specifically. Regardless of the weather I find it calming. I would love to come back in the summer and see the sun on the sand and me in the ocean.



We walked the streets and the local market, saw some art galleries and really just chilled out. A couple of nights with Grahams friends and family on the town. It was a relaxing trip.

On my next leave I plan on seeing more of the “Africa”. Victoria Falls perhaps or more of Botswana. At the end of July I hope to take a 4 day weekend and head to Makgadikgadi (ma-kudi-kudi) salt pans. South east of Moremi, about a 4 hour drive.